I really wish I could’ve been there at the meeting. You know, the one where all the gear designers sat down to discuss the concerns of the player base that females get a higher quantity and quality of glamours. I would’ve absolutely loved to have been there sipping on tea when the idea for a male version of the Quaintrelle’s set first was announced.

The most pivotal moment of my gaming life would’ve been when that the designer theorized and began illustrating the concept behind the Boulevardier’s Ruffled Pants– because I would’ve erupted out of my chair with a big red pen and scribbled “NO” all over the design. At that point I probably would be escorted out of the building and possibly get a restraining order out against me…. But you know what? Worth it.

I get it- there is a rather obvious discrepancy when it comes to gender-specific glamours. Male characters need some lovin’ too. But never once in any of my glamour fueled discussions with male players did I ever come across one who said, “Man, I really just have a hankering for a frilly pair of culottes!” Even in jest- I’ve never heard anyone say that. Well, except me. Just now.

Even in real life these types of pants can be a bit of a style conundrum- The proportioning removes the elongating effect most of us want in a perfect pair of bottoms. In game it is no different. Doesn’t matter how tall you set your Roe to be, these pants have a knack for making everyone who wears them look squatty. Which, as we all know, is a super attractive quality. Who wants to be handsome and debonair when you can look squatty?

Even if these pants are one step away from being seen as a dude-skort and making my skin crawl, I never shy away from a challenge!

The problem with these pants doesn’t even stop with looking like a strange cross between M.C. Hammer pants and colonial American breeches- no. I will give the design team one point for gender equality on this one. You thought the clipping with the Quaintrelle’s Ruffled Skirt was bad? Well let me tell you, it’s equally irritating with the Boulevardier’s Ruffled Pants. You want to wear a cape? Super- here’s the trim of your pants popping through. Think a dress-like chest piece will be able to hide all those frills? PEEK-A-BOO, THE RUFFLES SEE YOU!

If I had a dollar for every time I swore while building these glamours, I probably would’ve been able to buy enough stock in S.E. that’d I’d be a board member. At which point I would tell them they were required to instate me in game as an actual thirteenth deity. Imagine getting married at the Sanctum of the Twelve Thirteen and having my sweet, little Lalafellin face peering down on your guests’ glamours. I say my face, because instead of just a symbol, I’d request they’d put my face in the center circle. Anyway, that’s how much I swore.

Even if these pants are one step away from being seen as a dude-skort and making my skin crawl, I never shy away from a challenge! I was determined to not only use these pants without hiding their shape with a tall pair of boots, but also make them seem battleworthy. Nothing distracts your enemy more on the charge than those moments where he/she has to decide whether you mean battle or if you’re just approaching quickly and about to high-step into a can-can dance.

Below you will find some City-State inspired glamours utilizing these pants that only a mother could love. Do you have the confidence in your own masculinity to give these frilly little numbers a chance?

In a discussion with one of my closest friends and honest glamour critic, we both felt like these pants had an honest chance at being taken seriously when used in a more Gridanian “royal guard” type of ensemble more so than a hardcore tank on the front lines of the battle. There’s a very militant flair to it, but it favors more a show of prestige than it does practicality in a fight.

As you may have remembered from my first edition of “The Good, The Bad, and the Questionably Ugly”, I have a strong appreciation for cohesiveness in an outfit when it comes to fabric choices. This look would, in no way, begin to make sense if there wasn’t a good representation of cloth in the ensemble besides the pants. The Tigerskin Coat of Fending is one of my favorite tanking chest pieces in game because it is the perfect hybrid of cloth/leather/plate that you can armour up or down seamlessly.

In order to maintain that perfect marriage of different materials and textures, you want to be sure that everything is represented relatively evenly across the whole outfit. The Adamantite Barbut of Fending joins the metalworks of a crown with a softer, fabric coif beneath. If the core of the outfit seems very soft and “squishy”, it’s always a smart bet to use more plate-like pieces on the extremities to keep things nice and balanced.

Is it possible to make a La Noscean inspired look and not have it come out very pirate like? I’m confident it is, but you know what? This isn’t that type of look and I have my heart set on a slightly flamboyant pirate. So there. Eat your heart out, me hearties- Yo Ho!

When it comes to pants like these, proportion is an incredibly important thing to keep in mind. Tired of people staring at that dainty flair by your knees? Bring the focus upwards by evening the look out with a broad collar and hat! The Sky Pirate’s Jacket of Striking fits that bill perfectly. By adding that little bit of width towards the top of the outfit, you start to negate that “squatty” effect I mentioned earlier. Look a little less like a frump and more like a hunk.

While the last glamour slightly downplayed the ruffle, this glamour not only embraces it, but also pulls that particular detail elsewhere in the glam. The Gyuki Leather Halfgloves of Striking also have small ruffled details encircling the wrist, as well as also being adorned with buckles that we see in the chest piece, pants, and shoes. Items like that are a boon and help bring all the pieces into one well done, cohesive glamour.

Regardless of the fact that this unique pair of bottoms looks like JNCO jeans dipped their toes in making a pair of avant garde capris, the ruffled pants actually cater fairly well to casters that don’t want to commit to the full-skirt look. I’m sure it’d allow for the air movement down there, while still providing coverage for you to sit with your legs split without all your doodly-bits hanging out.

For this Flames themed glamour, I wanted to keep this look slightly deconstructed and almost tribal. Lots of unstructured fabrics with metal ornaments very reminiscent of what I’d imagine from the elite amongst a desert-dwelling people like the Ul’Dahns. The Flame Elite’s Shawl, as well as the Star Velvet Long Gloves of Casting, are heavily adorned with a variety of different fine metals and jewels while the actual fabric construction is loose and almost tattered. This juxtaposition is brought together wonderfully by the basic, ruffled pants in a way that keeps the outfit from looking far too busy.

My absolute favorite part of this outfit is how well the Augmented Evoker’s Horn plays off of the shawl- and I’m not just saying that because it’s a funny shaped head dong. I just have an affection for patterns that are represented in multiple pieces of the outfit! Here the stark white lines on the horn replicate the triangular pattern of the loincloth that is attached to the skirt. Not a summoner but want a similar look? Try the Pagos Bandana! No class requirements whatsoever- and it’s usually selling for under 100 gil on the marketboard. What a bargain!

They may not be the pants that turn into your closet staple- but perhaps now instead of raging on Reddit about how much you loathe the design, you may see some flicker of potential in them. Some of the most well made glamours come from some of the weirder item combinations. Remember- embrace the strange! Take those presumably bad and ugly items and see if you can make something good out of them. Or at least something that blurs the line and becomes questionably bad.

I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I actually made a George Washington cosplay out of these bad boys, so it can’t be all bad!