So far with this series, I’ve found every item to be salvageable. Every piece chosen had a small glimmer of hope that we’ve been able to blossom and bloom into an unexpected Homecoming Queen for our stereotypical early 90’s school movie. We were on top of the world! There was truly no item we could not salvage. Or, at least so we thought. Then the Peltast Acton crawled out from beneath the grime of the level 50 dungeons long since abandoned by seasoned adventurers. It was a horror- and both Xennon and I cursed and cried at the idea of trying to turn this ugly Christmas sweater from nightmares past into something that could be saved. Could it be done? Or would this particular item be regifted to that one cousin you’re not particularly fond of next Starlight season?

I’m sure you’re thinking, “It can’t be THAT bad, Ved.” Oh, honey. It can and it is. Just look at it! The shape alone mimics that of a dated, decorative throw pillow you forgot to toss when you set your old couch out on the curb. It has the sheer volume that I could only ever dream of my hair having. Honestly, it looks like it was made from shoulder pads sewn onto even more shoulder pads and the cycle continued until the world ran out of them.

But we do not cower from shoulder pads! Nay! We allowed ourselves to get lost in the literal heaps of fabric. We embraced the deep hunter greens and dalamud red by pairing it with more neutral-toned items. We cozied up to the fur collar with a hearty pair of mitts, and a lined cap to deal with the chilly temps of the skies! WE CAME. WE SAW. WE CONQUERED.

And yet we still promptly traded it back in for grand company seals. Is the piece workable? Yes. But I personally would rather opt for a dyeable version, that way I can half-heartedly attempt a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man cosplay instead.